Freeing The
Spirit Within
By: Linda Armstrong Kelly
The drum roll builds as David Letterman playfully introduces the topten
list winner of "Pieces of advice I gave my celebrity child," and I
slide onto the stage. "Say hello to Lance Armstrong's mother Linda!"
wows Letterman. Looking out into a sea of faces, I deliver my lines. "That
whole Tour de France win five in a row thing? My idea!" The audience
howls.
That appearance on the Late Show still makes me laugh. And other
interviews with Dr. Phil, CNN, ESPN, and the personal visit with Oprah at
her home, although surreal at the time, are a wonderful reminder of how
unpredictable life can be.
I grew up in the Dallas projects in a family with three kids, an overwhelmed
mom and alcoholic dad. One of the few early memories I have of my father
is physically abusing my mother while my siblings and I huddled in the
closet. Being raised in an environment without a lot of guidance can leave
emotional gaps, and for me, created a desperate need for attention. At 17,
I became pregnant and gave birth to my son Lance. Lance's father was an
abusive man, and after enduring two years of repeated violent episodes, I
walked out. Lance and I were on our own.
Ironically, it was during that same time that I reunited with my father and
discovered the power of forgiveness. After abandoning our family and
spending years lost in alcohol, he found sobriety and was eager to make
amends. It was a valuable first step for me and him to begin to let go of the
pain and hurt. Later in life, I would come to realize the importance of letting
go and freeing the spirit within.
In those early days we barely got by, but I found that hard work and a fierce
determination to not give up, kept food on the table and a roof over our
heads. One job after another, I gained basic skills and with the help of a
strong center of faith, I never lost hope. I learned to be my own best friend
and advocate, with the unfailing sense there was a prize waiting for me at
the end of the line.
Lance and I developed a special bond that allowed us to grow up together.
I was the mom who'd take him and his friends to Van Halen, roller skating,
sports events and encouraged him to be his very best at whatever he chose
to do. It was exciting to watch him take on challenges and see his athletic
talent and spirit grow. He seemed to have a core of pure energy that threw
off sparks. As a young mom I overcompensated for what I needed but didn't
get as a child. So our vocabulary was filled with nothing but positives.
When Lance came home with the idea to swim, bike and run in the junior
triathlon, "Ironkids", I didn't think it sounded like a lot of fun. But he was so
excited; I just smiled and said, "That sounds like a blast!"
The 1980s hadn't quite caught up to the idea of working single moms,
especially those without an education. But I was a fighter. I taught Lance
early on that mistakes were opportunities to learn from. I poured my
energy into two things: being the best mom I could, and figuring out how
to climb up from an entry level office job – the lowest rung of the corporate
ladder. As a young female with no experience and only a GED competing
with university grads who took their futures for granted, meant that I had
to dig deeper, work harder, and lean on raw street-smart talents of common
sense, an attitude of fearlessness, and the desire to get ahead. It worked. I
went from temp clerk to global account manager with an executive corner
office, making more money than I could ever have imagined.
I loved my job and became obsessed with work until the day a colleague
shocked me by saying I was getting too thin and didn't have balance in my
life. Thanks to her, I spent time with a therapist who was the first person in
the world to say to me, "You don't like yourself." She was right. When forced
to look at myself, I realized I wasn't happy. I was hiding in the business of
work. This realization helped me to explore and find ways to take better
care of myself. After that I made time for me and everything changed; the
way I felt and my whole outlook on life. Self-love is a powerful thing.
When Lance was diagnosed with testicular cancer at 25, the prognosis
was grim. Cancer shakes your whole world and you become frozen in time.
Before his illness, I'd jokingly call myself a barracuda, but during his chemo,
I became even more so. I was a fearless mom who didn't hesitate to ask
his medical team questions or express how I felt. I grew stronger. The first
thing I said to Lance when I received the news was, "This thing isn't going
to get us!" Attitude is everything. There is so much more information now
about cancer and we survivors can all work to make things better. The Lance
Armstrong Foundation raised millions of dollars for research and increased
awareness. It is a foundation of hope.
Life can feel like a huge roller coaster of surprises, joys, pain, and challenges.
In my memoir, No Mountain High Enough: Raising Lance, Raising
Me, I share my journey as a struggling teenage mother who overcame
insurmountable odds and found success.
My definition of success isn't measured by the car you drive, your level of
education, how "busy" you are, or the size of your bank account. It's the
difference you make in the lives of others. Raising Lance was the most
important work I could do. I raised a human being who is caring and sensitive
to the needs of others. That's success! Beyond his athletic achievements,
he's a good dad and a man who has personally reached out to thousands of
fellow cancer survivors.
Now, as a motivational speaker, I have a simple but powerful statement to
give my audiences, "Never give up!" It summarizes how I've lived my life. I'm
a risk-taker. It takes huge courage, drive and energy to live an inspired life,
but we're all capable of getting there. It's a message I know with absolute
certainty can help and motivate others to be more confident to make the
changes they need to in their own lives.
There are three things that make me proud. Number one – I make a seafood
gumbo so mean it's good enough to burn down your house. Number two – I
carved out a career in the technology sector without a college education,
or a hand-up from anyone. But what counts the most is that I played a part
in another human being's life that made a difference. That's the true bar of
success.
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